What Am I Doing Here Anyways?

I have been toying with the idea of starting an anonymous blog for a very long time. Journaling has always been a catharsis for me. But I know that it is often even more powerful when honest thought and emotion can be seen and/or heard instead. And I know that this catharsis is most pronounced with done with as much openness and honesty as possible. Thus, it is absolutely necessary that this blog be completely anonymous. In fact, I am not even going to tell my husband...

I feel a little bad about that. I do not generally keep things from him. And I have, at least, told him in the past that I have always thought about doing something like this. I don't think he would be shocked if he found out I was. But I certainly don't think he would want anyone to know personal things about him, or us, anymore than I would. And I want to be able to write about us when I need to, and to say what I really think and feel. Certainly you will know all sorts of personal things about me if you chose to read this blog (though how anyone will ever find it, I have no idea) but you won't actually know its me. Even if we met in person. And that's what I feel like I need here.

So who am I anyway? What can I tell you that reveals me internally but not externally? Well, to start with, I am a thirty something stay at home mom of three. I was a young mom for my oldest daughter, married fresh out of high school. And now I am a somewhat older and remarried mom for my twin toddler boys. I have a PhD in a physical science that now sits on the shelf, and only wispy dreams about what I will do next career-wise. I have a husband I have been with over 7 years now, and a marriage that feels solid, if not always exciting. I love reading, cooking, gardening, music and above all, learning. I spend a lot of my energy raising kids, exercising, cooking and lately, trying to figure out how to conquer debt (more on that later). I dislike cleaning, superficial chatter and cola beverages. I tend to get pissy about perceived chore unfairness and I waste far too much time on my iPhone. I am spiritual but not religious. I am a self described social liberal but fiscal moderate (not sure others would agree). I am concerned about the environment, the obesity epidemic, Iran getting nukes, retirement, whether my daughter and I will ever get along again, and the number of mint M&M's I have consumed this week. I may talk from time to time about any or all of those things.

I have no idea yet how often I will post, whether this will really become something, or whether it will putter out in a few weeks. I'm not sure I will ever have any followers, nor how many I would want, nor who would be interested in my ramblings. But I feel the need to be here none the less. To throw my truths out into the wider world and see what happens. And this is where I begin.